and so here...
And so here things are always good. And so here things always go like they should. And so here I am still in this place. And so here we are. Cause it's all we know. It's all we see. It's all we know. It's all we see. I know there will always be reasons to go, reasons left to grow so slowly. I know you're afraid to let me see. Cause it's all you know. It's all you see. It's all you know. It's all you see. How long has it been like this? I wonder when I lost count of the days since the last time we were together. Can't remember the last time we were together. Can't remember… I was supposed to remember. I was… I was supposed to remember. All the things I was supposed to remember. All the things I was supposed to remember.
Tim is my third chance at pride and glory. Protecting all the things that broke down in me. Giving all the cages breath and sun and air. Tim is the carefree arms and legs I ignored in my virgin days. Tim, you can meet me in the mostly safe wreckage of our house. You can meet me in the mostly safe wreckage of our house - and our town.
I didn't think you'd ever need to hear me say it. I trusted that you knew. I trusted that you knew me better. I still believe that you do. So maybe I bruised your ego. That's not what I intended to do. You think that I can change our future, even though you feel alone when I'm with you. But I haven't any words to stop you're leaving, haven't a breath to beg you to stay, just a smile of fleeting sorrow against a vast and empty day. So you can blame me for being silent all this time but I just can't let the words go free. Your still thinkin' I can change our future, that some words will turn me into your dream. But you trusted that I knew you better. That you would never have to tell me what you need. And your looking at me hoping that I find a way. And I'm hoping that you see that I haven't any words to stop your leaving, not a breath to beg you to stay, just a smile of fleeting sorrow against a vast and empty day. So maybe I bruised your ego. That's not what I intended to do. You think that I can change our future, even though you feel alone when I'm with you.
Look at me darling and figure it out. I know my ego is big, but still and all. Look at me honey, if it’s not too hard. We can, we can - we can. I want to sing songs like anyone, like anyone, and if we can - we can. So, look at me – no, seriously. I like it when you brush up behind me, and if your arms go 'round my waist I like it even more. But I like it best when you let your eyes rest upon me. When we talk or when we don’t, you take me and take me and turn me around. You never know, maybe we can find something new. We can, we can - we can. And if you want I can take all day just looking at you. I can, I can - I can.
I haven't crossed the bridge in days, but I can see the buildings growing. Lights are glowing through the new windows. I'm sure you never thought you'd see things back the way they used to be. And I still feel you blame yourself, I still feel you blame. I can still see the day I became your shadow. Lights and stars blurring days and years, so many people lost inside your fears. And I still feel you blame yourself, I still feel you blame. You know what could happen now. We could build our bridges stronger. You could be more than impressions to me, and everyone hereafter. But things won't change, not even earthquakes could swallow your pride. So I'll stay, across the bridge, watch the day - watch your shadow. I'll stay over here, across the bridge, watch the lights come on - watch your shadow.
I could - I could have been your killer. Living through your looking glass of a world. The dirty - the dirty work of yours I did will never let me go. Thoughts of putting up your punch just seem to grow and grow. You wanted all the tricks in you playing through my soul, so you were teaching me. Like a dragon, you were burying my bones. Breathing fire over all I want to know. Like what the days can give a small town kid, who doesn't have a care - only to know more. Or what the clouds will blow over frozen roads into homes of happiness. Where they have to know more. Cause I see them grinning, I feel them spinning. Cause I see them grinning, I feel them spinning round my corners, breaking down borders I can't even see. I could have been your killer, leaving ash and sparking memory. Waving through the glass I'd see sand shape the stones you'll throw. Tricking your own into a speechless desert.
Raining AM night. I follow you to the next place, next plan. I'm your second hand. I follow you through broke down station stops. Ghost train voices calling your name. Saying: "turn your hands to the ground child and raise your voice to the wind. Turn your head to the shadows and let this prisoner in". Underneath your hands you will find the plans for a long and precious lonely fight. Underneath your hands you will find the prize, that's keeping you in the fight. I'll drink a toast to myself babe cause I'm gonna be all right. I'll drink a toast to myself babe cause I am giving up this fight, I'm saying, this was the last time you'll ever see the un-me. That was the last time I'll ever be the un-me.
When the tide has turned, and your heart's been burned, you'll fine me standing there - again. If you sense my fear, you'll know I'm somewhere near your last forgotten crime, to wish for you and I to begin again. We'll take the train through India. We'll see a world unfurl. Let danger feed our eyes. Hear past the desert sky and begin again. I know it's hard to see the space for you and me, beyond the traps that cause our fear, and the laughs to disappear. But we can take those moments back. Find a way to fill the cracks. And I'll build a better home with you. But first we'll take the train through India and watch an ancient world unfurl before our eyes. And search for love in the sand and in the sky. We'll let the stars hold our thoughts until the sunrise. We'll take the train through India cause I finally realize that love leads me to your eyes.
I can feel you staring at me, thinking of the days before I lost my freedom. You want me to remember everything. No matter how hard I try, I just can't let it fade. So yeah, I remember, but what does it change? I remember everything. I remember every step we took together. Do you see yourself in me? All the breaks you were never given stiffening in me? You'll never say how hard your day has been. Cause in the silent gray is where you've always lived.
all lyrics written by Bill Budd except Trying Here by Drae Campbell
all lyrics © buddendorf 2003 except Trying Here © buddendorf/campbell 2003